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“In other news,” the Television continues. “France was nuked today for the fourth time this year.” The newsman adjusts himself in his seat and picks up a sheet of lined notebook paper. He eyes it carefully and then holds it out in front of him as he squints to read what it says. After a few moments of struggling he seems to figure it out, looks back into the camera with a hint of embarrassment and continues:

“The General who has been accused of initiating the attack, claimed at a press conference earlier today, ‘I haven’t the foggiest idea of what you’re talking about.’ The General, who was previously scorned by the President for bombarding foreign countries using nuclear arms without permission, continued saying ‘But I bet the man who did initiate the attack must have been a very handsome, intelligent young man!’ before breaking into hysterics.”

The newscaster places the four-holed sheet of notebook paper down on the desk he is sitting at and takes a sip of water from a small plastic cup. After another sip of water, he continues reading from the sheet.

“When asked to comment, French Prime Minister responded ‘I don’t see the humour in this at all. It was funny the first time, now cut it out or else we’ll be forced to take action.’ The explosion only killed twenty people and hundreds of livestock, as the bomb was detonated in French countryside.” The newscaster leans in closer to the camera and says “Gives a new meaning to the words ‘French Fry.’” He leans back in his seat and sips from the water again, smiling at his clever witticism.

The television switches channels. The screen shows two men in women’s outfits on a poorly designed stage. Their faces are powdery white with red dots on their cheeks and they wear long blond wigs. “I would have been a lot more eager to show him my tatas had he shown me his peepee!” the transgender lady claims. S/he tears open his blouse, exposing man pectorals and rubs them provocatively.

The channel changes again.

Somebody’s head explodes in a gory mess. A man with a gun the size of a dishwasher stands firing and yelling wildly into a crowd.

The television switches off.