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 A scary world we live in when Al Qaeda could literally be anywhere.

 

AL QAEDA RENEWS EFFORTS ON AMERICAN SOIL

(Pasadena, CA) - In a stunning development, Al Qaeda has apparently begun a new wave of recruitment and renewed attacks on American soil.

The first wave of attacks occurred in Pasadena, CA when an Al Qaeda suicide terrorist reportedly drove a car through a furniture store window killing three people, including herself. More stunning then the act of terrorism is the knowledge that Al Qaeda has extended its efforts to recruiting everyday American citizens. In this case, their network of influence reached far enough to convert lifelong American Shelly Rosenthal, an 86 year old senior citizen, over to the cause of radical jihad fundamentalism.

“Shelly always seemed so normal, so nice,” said Mrs. Rosenthal’s neighbor and best friend Terry Bloomburg. “I just don’t see how this is possible.”

Indeed, local authorities across America are stunned to discover that Al Qaeda and possibly Hamas have been advancing their cause by recruiting even the most unlikely of candidates.

The most recent event occurred in Dallas, TX when in one of the most destructive acts since 9/11, Al Qaeda recruited several teenagers from a local High School to destroy dozens of neighborhood mailboxes in a single night.

One resident who witnessed the crime described the scene as “chaotic.”

Ryan Willis, whose own mailbox was destroyed in the attack, expressed his concerns for the wellbeing of his neighborhood:

“You just don’t expect this sort of thing to happen to you and your family. To think of the cost of all those mailboxes,” said a tearing Mr. Willis. “…It’s just such a waste.”

It is situations such as these that have alerted the government to the heightened need for tightened security and more desperate measures. The teenagers involved in the attack on American soil have since been deported to Guantanamo Bay for interogative questioning in the hopes that tragedies such as these can be prevented in the future.